Summary: Calming children in the evening involves understanding their unique needs and how they self-regulate. Parents can help by exploring their own emotions, actively engaging in soothing activities like Olo sound journeys, and emphasizing co-regulation to create a supportive environment for both parent and child.

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How can I help my children calm down in the evening?

When I tell people that I'm a somatic therapist, one of the most common questions I get is about helping children calm down, especially in the evenings as bedtime approaches. This query feels particularly pertinent on Mother's Day, as so many moms struggle with getting overstimulated kids settled for the night. The evenings can be a perfect storm of tiredness, pent-up energy, and difficulties with transitions. As a somatic therapist, I recommend helping children calm down through co-regulation and sensory activities. The key is meeting them where they're at energetically and not forcing stillness, but rather helping them learn to down-regulate.

Understanding Child Self-Regulation

It's essential to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Children's ability to self-regulate is influenced by a range of factors, including their age, the inherent wiring of their brain and nervous system, their personal experiences, the self-regulation skills of their parents, their family lineage and ancestry history, and the cultural context of the era they are growing up in.

The Importance of Self-Awareness in Adults

Despite the complex web of factors shaping a child's ability to self-regulate, there's still much we as adults can do. By turning our attention inward, and gaining clarity on our own behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, we pave the way to better comprehend and connect with what our children are experiencing.

How do we, as adult caregivers, achieve this?

By fostering a connection with our inner selves and nurturing a sense of curiosity about our thoughts, feelings, and actions. When we explore our own complexities and embrace our wholeness (including the aspects we tend to avoid), we unlock a deeper understanding of our children's behaviors. This will enhance our ability to genuinely connect with them and thus help us identify their true needs.

The goal is to cultivate a profound sense of safety, connection, and resilience for both the parent and the child.

Utilizing Olo Sound Journeys

Regarding the use of Olo sound journeys for children, the answer is nuanced. Their efficacy depends on the various factors previously mentioned. For infants, toddlers, and preschool-aged children, any calming down method should be monitored by an adult, ensuring it does not induce a state of shutdown and dissociation.

The Role of Parental Involvement

The Olo sound journeys can be indeed a valuable tool when parents are completely engaged and responsive to both their child's and their own reactions during the listening session. It’s important to recognize that the effectiveness of these soundscapes—or even simpler actions like humming or singing a lullaby—depends significantly on the parent’s active involvement. If your mind is elsewhere, that can unintentionally lead to your child feeling emotionally disconnected rather than soothed.

Co-Regulation: A Team Effort

At its core, how well a child can manage their own emotions and reactions is really tied up with something called co-regulation. Think of it as a team effort—everyone pitching in to help each other stay balanced, all happening in a warm, supportive space. This process isn't static; it grows and changes, not just with the child but with the parents too. It's like everyone's learning and evolving together in this dance of staying connected and regulated.

Conclusion: Starting with Yourself

Remember, the journey of connection starts with tuning into your own experiences. By understanding and aligning with your own physical and emotional arousal state, you can better connect and respond to your child's needs, enhancing the calmness and connection shared between you.

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