How to Not Abandon Oneself

Reclaim Your Authentic Self and Conquer Overwhelm

Author

Catarina Brazão
June 16, 2024

Summary: Happy Father’s Day! Today, we address a common struggle: balancing family, work, and personal expectations. Many feel overwhelmed, leading to anxiety and burnout. Hans Selye noted that much stress arises from trying to fulfill others’ expectations at the expense of our authentic selves. Combat this by living an embodied life and acknowledging your anxiety rather than fleeing from it. Practicing self-awareness and asking, “What does my body need right now?” can make a significant difference.

Happy Father's Day to all the incredible fathers and father figures in our community! We hope you're able to celebrate the important role you play in the lives of your loved ones.

Overwhelmed by Expectations

In the spirit of Father's Day, we want to address a concern many of you might relate to, especially those juggling the demands of family, work, and personal expectations. Recently, we received a heartfelt message from a community member feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of trying to meet everyone’s expectations. 

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I feel anxious almost all the time. I don't want to let anyone down but I feel like I'm juggling too much. Between making sure my kids are on time for the things they have to do, keeping my whole family happy, my aging parents and meeting my work expectations, I feel am stretched thin. Is there anything I can do to manage all these pressures without disappointing anyone?

You Are Not Alone

We hear you, and you're certainly not alone in feeling this way. The pressure to be everything to everyone is overwhelming. Too often, we abandon ourselves in an effort to meet the expectations of others. As Hans Selye explains in his book “The Stress of Life”, most of our tensions and frustrations stem from compulsive needs to act the role of someone we are not.

Embracing Your Authentic Self

Too much self-abandonment inevitably leads to anxiety, resentment, and burnout. As the psychologist Arno Gruen emphasized, we must resist the external forces that pressure us to betray our authentic selves. The way to resist is by getting to know ourselves deeply, which we can only achieve by the way of living an embodied life. 

Facing Anxiety Head-On

However, when we’re feeling anxious, it’s natural to feel like we want to escape, especially because our body is all geared up for fight or flight. If the anxiety persists, we may enter a "freeze state" and feel like collapsing. Clearly, none of these states are comfortable to feel in the body. But as counterintuitive as it might sound, moving toward your anxiety and allowing yourself to fully experience it, without trying to escape or rationalize it away, can often lead to its natural dissipation or at least a partial reduction. 

Practical Steps for Self-Awareness

A simple way to start effectively dealing with it is by just closing your eyes and feeling the sensations of your body. It might be uncomfortable at first, yet trust what you’re feeling. Then ask yourself: “What does my body need right now?”, and follow through—do what your body is asking you for. With time and practice, it becomes easier to listen our bodies and access our inner self. That’s the key to avoiding abandoning ourselves.

When Tuning In Doesn’t Work

That said, anxiety is inherently fluctuating, and as mentioned before, it often intensifies because of our resistance against it. Sometimes, by accepting your anxiety, acknowledging its presence without judgment, it’s enough to diminish its power over you. But at other times, this approach might actually backfire, causing the anxiety to spiral up even more and lead into panic attacks. In these situations, when tuning in doesn’t work, the solution might be tuning out instead. 

The Power of the Olo App

Here’s where the Olo app can be a powerful game-changer. With its captivating soundscapes, it grabs your brain’s attention and short-circuits the habitual patterns that typically exacerbate anxiety. Additionally, it also entrains your nervous system to be more at ease with the different states of arousal in your body. 

The Importance of Self-Care

When you prioritize your own self-care, you have more energy, patience and presence to share with your children and other loved ones. On top of that, when they see you prioritizing your own needs in a healthy way, they'll learn it's not just acceptable but crucial to living a fulfilling life. Ultimately, you're cultivating resilient habits for the whole family.

Lasting Impact on Your Children

Remember, it’s your consistent, attuned presence that will have a lasting impact on your children’s lives, helping them grow into secure, connected, and confident adults. 

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